“Well in that case. I want that house with a husband, two-and-a-half kids, and a labradoodle named Duane.”

  “Duane-the-doodle?”

  “Yeah, why not? You said I can have anything I want.”

  “You can.” He smiles over at me and then looks back down at the drawings. ”You’re going to do some great things with your dad. I wish I had your talent. All I’m good for is this super-hot body.” He winks and elbows me hard enough to knock me over on the couch.

  We both laugh as Tucker grabs my hand and pulls me back upright.

  “Don’t you dare waltz into this house with your cocky swagger and think you can kiss my ass and I’m going to just forgive you just like that.” I snap my fingers and smirk back. “You’ve been M.I.A. for quite some time, smooth talker. You’re going to have to earn getting back into my good graces,” I warn.

  “Well, if kissing your ass is what it’s going to take to get you to forgive me, then I’ll take my punishment now, please.” He gives a sexy smirk that’s almost too good to resist.

  I roll my eyes in an attempt to seem unaffected.

  “I’ve only kept my distance because Luca is pissed as shit at me.”

  “And he has good reason. You two have dreamed of going to Alabama since middle school. I don’t understand what happened. It isn’t like you to deviate from the plan. You didn’t even give him a heads up.”

  “Fuck, I feel like shit about it. My dad went behind my back, made a deal on my behalf – a good deal. He got me starting freshman year. He thought he was doing something good for me.”

  “Ok, I get that. But couldn’t you have said that to Luca?”

  “Yes, I probably should have.”

  He starts to pick at the label on the beer bottle.

  “Can you get out of it?” I ask.

  “And humiliate my dad in front of an entire football nation? I don’t exactly think that will help my chance when a pro NFL team is considering signing me. Backing out of a commitment doesn’t look too good on your resume.” He sighs. “Trying to get out of it now would hurt his reputation and mine. But honestly, I can’t deny that this opportunity is a better one. Agreeing to it saves face for my dad and myself. Luca will get over it. We still have the NFL to play together. And my dad…he’s always felt like he’s relied too heavily on your family after my mom died. He wanted to do something for me. He thought negotiating a better deal with a school needing a strong running back was his way of making up for missing so much.”

  I knew Chris felt bad about how much he had missed out on in Tucker’s life but I didn’t realize how much he felt like he needed to make it up to Tucker.

  I’d overheard plenty of phone calls when Chris would call home to talk to my mom and offer her money towards Tucker’s living expenses. My parents always refused. Tucker was part of our family. My parents never saw him as a burden.

  “Tucker, you signed a contract to play for a rival team. Are you going to tell Luca? About your dad making the deal?”

  He shakes his head.

  “Why not?”

  “I don’t want Luca hating my dad. At the end of the day, this is my decision. I’ll take the repercussions. If Luca is mad, he can be mad at me.”

  “God, you’re an idiot,” I shake my head.

  “Don’t sugar coat it, Lexi.”

  The doorbell rings and I get up to grab the pizza and hot wings. I drop them on the coffee table and head to the kitchen for drinks. “Want another beer?” I ask.

  “No, one beer is good for tonight. I’ll take a bottle of water though, please,” he says from the living room.

  He’s already scarfed down half a pizza by the time I come back. “Wow buddy…slow down. Don’t you want to taste it. Isn’t that the point if you’re likely cheating on your diet right now?”

  He brushes my comment off.

  “So, how’s it going with your dad’s company?” he asks.

  “Good. I have a part time job after school right now. I’m learning so much. They keep giving me more responsibilities. I feel like I belong there, you know?”

  He nods as though he understands what it feels like to find something you feel incredibly competent at. And he does. He’s an amazing football player and he works hard at it.

  “Your incredibly confident, knowing exactly what you want.”

  “Oh yeah? How do you know. You don’t see my mess ups at the office.”

  “True. But I’ve seen you walking around in those tiny bikinis at the lake. Strutting around without a care in the world.” He smirks. “You drove so many upper classmen crazy those summers at the lake house.”

  How did we get here? We went from talking about me at the office to me half dressed in a bikini.

  “What are you talking about? What upperclassmen?”

  I search my memory but I come up short with any attention from the opposite sex at the lake house. Well, except that kiss with Tucker, but we both just pretended like it didn’t happen.

  “Maybe Luca and I did a better job at keeping their fucking hands off you than we thought. We did threaten to make them disappear into the lake if they ever laid a hand on you. I always figured a few of them would try anyway. Didn’t the captain of the Varsity Soccer team ask you to prom?

  I snorted. “Yeah, and then he took it back the next day.”

  Tucker grins. “I remember Luca threatened to end his career short by hitting him with his truck in the parking lot if he took you to prom.”

  He takes a swig of his beer.

  “That was you!” I argue, throwing a pillow at his face.

  He catches it just in time. My eyes flare at him and a little beer spurts from his lips as he tries to contain his laughter.

  “How did you know?”

  He’s smiling but there is a little rosy coloring to his cheeks.

  Is he blushing?

  “He told me, obviously.”

  “That little soft-dick-prick. You should be thanking me. We shared the same locker room. I promise you, it was little. I did you a favor.”

  He shakes his head as if it was the other kid’s fault that he told me he had to resend his invitation to take me to prom because he feared for his full ride scholarship to Stanford. Or maybe he said he feared for his life; either way, Tucker was the name he used when explaining where the threat had come from.

  Plus, I’d never heard Luca threaten violence, ever. I knew he was capable of it, but he wouldn’t have done it to scare away a measly prom date…

  I’d only known Tucker to get in one real fight, if you don’t count fights on the football field for defending a teammate out on the turf. It was in the defense of a kid in elementary school, Desh Martin. Desh was getting picked on for wearing the same clothes back-to-back. Tucker punched the bully in the throat and got expelled for a week.

  Luca had come to his defense but there was nothing the principle could do. The school had a strict “no violence” rule. Luckily, Tucker’s dad, Chris, believed Luca and so did my parents.

  Luca, Tucker, and Desh became fast friends. Desh was a regular at casa Benson through the years and would often spend a night or two out at the lake house during the summers.

  “So, does that mean you’re not going to come to my games?” he asks, almost in a pout.

  “Archrivals, Tuck! Why are you not grasping this? If anyone ever asks about you, I’ll have to say, Tucker who? You’re as good as dead to me.” I smirk. “I also can’t be in two places at once. How can I be at your game and Luca’s? Hmm, maybe if you played for the same team…”

  “Ok, I get it.” He raises his hands. “But, still, just one game?”

  “Your stadium is nine hours away. That’s an overnighter. Unless my parents go, I have nowhere to stay.”

  “You could stay with me,” he shrugs, swirling his beer bottle.

  “In your tiny dorm? Where would I sleep.”

  He glances up and holds me captive with his eyes. Goosebumps trickle down my arms.

  Oh.

  Sleeping in the same bed with Tucker. Soothing his muscular body after a brutal game. Why does the thought of that make my nipples pebble?

  He looks down at his beer and takes a long pull of the golden liquid.

  “I’m sorry that I haven’t been around as much the last few months,” he says.

  “You mean the last eighteen months?”

  “It hasn’t been that long, you’re exaggerating.” He shakes his head.

  “No, it started way before college admissions. Seems like ever since the dock accident you pulled away. My mom had to beg you to come to the lake house last summer. What I don’t understand is why?” He doesn’t offer anything. He just stares at blank space above the TV. “You stopped staying here as much and you’ve made excuses the last couple of family vacations not to come. You saved my life that day. I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t fo-”

  “Stop,” he interrupts, shaking his head like he’s trying to shake the memory. He stands up from the couch.

  “…And now you’re avoiding us…or maybe just me?” I stand up to face him. “What did I do?”

  “You didn’t do anything.” He swallows hard.

  “Talk to me Tucker.”

  “I should go. This was a bad idea.” He turns from me and heads for the door.

  “Don’t go like this — talk to me. Please, Tucker, let’s fix this,” I plead as I walk briskly behind him. His long stride make me take two steps for every one he does to keep up.

  He has his hand on the doorknob and I place both of my hands around his large bicep to convince him to stop. His muscles flex slightly beneath my fingertips.

  “There’s nothing to fix, Lex. Nothing’s broken.” He looks at me with defeat in his eyes. “Promise me something.”

  I nod, even though I have no idea what I’m agreeing to.

  “This summer, when you’re at the lake house — don’t use the fucking stairs, ok? I lost my mom already; I can’t lose you, too.”

  He stares down at the doorknob, but he hasn’t turned it yet. Maybe I can still convince him not to go.

  I slide my hands around his waist to get him to face me. I didn’t realize that he made a connection between my accident and his mother’s death. I never considered that it would trigger him. All this time and he had never mention that he was scared he was going to lose me like he lost her. My heart breaks for him.

  He wets his lips and drops them to my hairline and kisses where the scar from hitting my head on the dock is still slightly visible anytime my hair is pulled back in a ponytail.

  He remembers exactly where it is, and my heart squeezes. A slow exhale leaves my body as my eyes close. Attempting to feel every sensation of his warm lips on my skin.

  He pulls back slightly and my eyes open, ready to battle him to stay again. His eyes drop to my lips. Before I can ask him to stay for the second time, he presses his lips to mine.

  The first kiss is soft and sweet but he’s holding back. Before he can pull away, I kiss him again – harder. My hands wrap around the back of his neck and I keep him glued to me.

  He lets out a growl and it registers at the apex between my leg. He wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me tight to his body. My mouth opens into the next kiss and he takes the opportunity to slip his tongue into mine. An electric current jolts through my belly.

  He backs me up against the front door and his toned body built for speed and agility presses firmly into me.

  My hands let go of his neck and begin to lift under his shirt, gliding over his stomach and up to his pecks. His chest vibrates as he growls again, deep within his rib cage. It’s like the rumbling of the lion, giving a warning to back away before he pounces, sinking his sharp white teeth into the flesh of my body. But I want it. I want his teeth on me more than I want my next breath.

  Just as I reach his chest, he picks me up effortlessly and guides his hips between my shaky thighs. He grinds his perfect erection against my center. The yoga pants I’m wearing leaving little to the imagination. I gasp at how incredible he feels.

  To be held in his strong arms like I weigh nothing. To be kissed like I’m the only girl he’s ever truly wanted. To feel the ridge of his perfect head through his gym sweats as it glides between my thighs. I want him to sink into me. I want him to take my virginity because I know no other man would do it as good as he would. I want him to do it tonight.

  It won’t be a start to anything, I know. It will be goodbye. I can’t think of a better way to say goodbye to Tucker Evans than to give him this one parting gift.

  “Oh, God,” I say as he changes the angle of the way he’s rubbing me through our clothes.

  I’m barely hanging on at this point. A sensation unfamiliar is building low in my stomach. Pulsing desire throbs between my legs. A feeling I’ve never explored completely before.

  I’d heard of masturbation but mostly from the male perspective. And since I lack any other type of experience due to my two very own cockblocks at school (Luca and Tucker), I’ve never experienced an orgasm yet. If this is what’s about to happen, I’ll be mortified if I come the first time while Tucker hasn’t physically touched me.

  “Does that feel good, baby?” he asks as his tongue travels down my neck.

  “Yes,” I moan.

  I hear his teeth grind at my response like he’s doing everything in his power to keep his control.

  “Should we go upstairs?” I ask in my sex-brained fluster.

  My words must hit the “off” switch because his deep, dark honey eyes soften back to their usual color, and I know I’m losing him.

  He slowly releases the grip he has on my thighs. My body begins to slide down the length of his. I feel every muscle of his body as mine glides along them. I close my eyes as the journey down his body continues to spark every nerve ending to life. I feel as though I might combust.

  When I open my eyes, his are fixated on me. Like he’s been watching every facial expression I make.

  I’m back on my feet but he hasn’t step away from me yet. His body still pressed into me. His erection still reaching out for me. Maybe there’s still hope. Maybe he won’t leave if I beg.

  “I should leave.”

  “No!” I plead.

  “If I stay Lex, I’ll do something I can’t undo.”

  “Tucker, please don’t go.”

  But it’s no use. He turns for the doorknob again.

  “Good luck with your internship, Lex. Lock the door behind me.” He walks out and closes the door behind him so I don’t follow.

  Tucker

  I stand on the other side of the door waiting to hear it lock behind me. But my imagination has me seeing her open the door and beg me to come back inside.

  I should leave the front porch because I know the sound of the deadbolt engaging is going to feel like someone dunked me into an ice bath. And I also know, my self-control is wearing thin. Especially now that I’ve had another taste of her and it’s exactly how I remember it – pure fucking heaven.

  I didn’t say any of the things I came here to say. It’s not like me to not leave it all on the field.

  I want to knock on the door and ask to stay the night – sleep with her in my arms – wake up tomorrow morning with a physical confirmation that Lexi is healthy and breathing, not at the bottom of the lake, the place my nightmares want me to believe.

  I had another nightmare last night.

  Every time, the nightmare comes, it’s the same. I don’t get to Lexi fast enough. She inhales too much water. I pull her onto the dock and lay her flat on her back while I attempt CPR and compressions, but CPR fails. In my dream, Luca isn’t there to help me — no one is.

  After I finally give up lifesaving attempts, it’s just her lifeless body and me, silently on the dock. It ends the same way each time; I can’t change the outcome. God knows I’ve tried like hell to change the ending. I pull her back into my arms, holding her tight against my chest as I kiss her head where it connected with the staircase.

  I pull us back to the edge of the dock while she’s cradled protectively in my arms. Even though in my dream, she’s already dead, she whispers something to me, and I nod and say something back. I never hear what we say to each other.

  After, I sink back into the lake with her in my arms, and neither of us come back up to the surface again.

  I always jolt awake, breathing heavily and covered in sweat. The only thing I can do that doesn’t make me fall back to sleep into the same nightmare is go for a run.

  I run mile after mile, pushing my body through the pain, until I reach her house. Sometimes in the middle of the night with the streetlights illuminating my path to her, and sometimes in the early morning light.

  Standing outside her house, I glance up at the window on the third floor that I know belongs to her room and my heart starts to slow. I feel for once since I woke from my nightmare that I might catch my breath as I reassure myself that Lexi is alive. She’s safe in her bed three stories above me. No harm has come to her. The scar along her hairline and my nightmares are the only thing left of that horrifying day.

  I’ve never told Luca or Lexi about the nightmares. I’ve never told anyone about them.

  I hadn’t had one in several months, but the nightmare reoccurred two nights in a row has me feeling like a man standing on the edge of a building, ready to jump. Jump into the dangerous territory of telling Lexi how I feel. I’m still not sure how I feel. I just know, I can’t lose her.

  The way she responded to my kiss tonight. The way her body took my advances. The way she gave as much as she took when I ground down on her. She would have said yes, and I need her to say no. I need her to keep me in check. I can’t be trusted with how desperately I want her.

  And when those thoughts of having Lexi flood my mind… another memory comes with it. Luca’s words. They come barreling at me like a freight train.

  The way this goes down with Lexi is one of two ways. With a diamond ring or a black eye.

  Then I’m imagining myself at a jewelry store picking out a ring for Lexi and my stomach is in my throat, complete with sweaty palms. This isn’t an image you’re supposed to have at nineteen years old. It’s a terrifying image. But the image that follows is always worse.

 

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