David Wong - Free Library Land Online - Polyamorous

Futuristic Violence and Fancy Suits

Sat, 17 Oct 2015 21:15:07 +0300

Nightmarish villains with superhuman enhancements. An all-seeing social network that tracks your every move. Mysterious, smooth-talking power players who lurk behind the scenes. A young woman from the trailer park. And her very smelly cat. Together, they will decide the future of mankind. Get ready for a world in which anyone can have the powers of a god or the fame of a pop star, in which human achievement soars to new heights while its depravity plunges to the blackest depths. A world in which at least one cat smells like a seafood shop's dumpster on a hot summer day. This is the world in which Zoey Ashe finds herself, navigating a futuristic city in which one can find elements of the fantastic, nightmarish and ridiculous on any street corner. Her only trusted advisor is the aforementioned cat, but even in the future, cats cannot give advice. At least not any that you'd want to follow. Will Zoey figure it all out in time? Or maybe the better question is, will you? After all, the future is coming sooner than you think.

What the Hell Did I Just Read

Tue, 17 Oct 2017 21:15:07 +0300

NYT bestselling author Wong takes readers to a whole new level with his latest dark comic sci-fi thriller, set in the world of John Dies at the End and This Book is Full of Spiders Dave, John and Amy recount what seems like a fairly straightforward tale of a shape-shifting creature from another dimension that is stealing children and brainwashing their parents, but it eventually becomes clear that someone is lying, and that someone is the narrators. The novel you're reading is a cover-up, and the "true" story reveals itself in the cracks of their hilariously convoluted, and sometimes contradictory, narrative.

John Dies at the End

Wed, 17 Oct 2007 21:15:07 +0300

STOP. You should not have touched this flyer with your bare hands. NO, don't put it down. It's too late. They're watching you. My name is David Wong. My best friend is John. Those names are fake. You might want to change yours. You may not want to know about the things you'll read on these pages, about the sauce, about Korrok, about the invasion, and the future. But it's too late. You touched the book. You're in the game. You're under the eye. The only defense is knowledge. You need to read this book, to the end. Even the part with the bratwurst. Why? You just have to trust me. The important thing is this: The drug is called Soy Sauce and it gives users a window into another dimension. John and I never had the chance to say no. You still do. I'm sorry to have involved you in this, I really am. But as you read about these terrible events and the very dark epoch the world is about to enter as a result, it is crucial you keep one thing in mind: None of this was my fault.

This Book Is Full of Spiders

Wed, 17 Oct 2012 21:15:07 +0300

From the writer of the cult sensation John Dies at the End comes another terrifying and hilarious tale of almost Armageddon at the hands of two hopeless heroes. WARNING: You may have a huge, invisible spider living in your skull. THIS IS NOT A METAPHOR. You will dismiss this as ridiculous fearmongering. Dismissing things as ridiculous fearmongering is, in fact, the first symptom of parasitic spider infection-the creature secretes a chemical into the brain to stimulate skepticism, in order to prevent you from seeking a cure. That's just as well, since the "cure" involves learning what a chain saw tastes like. You can't feel the spider, because it controls your nerve endings. You can't see it, because it decides what you see. You won't even feel it when it breeds. And it will breed. So what happens when your family, friends, and neighbors get mind-controlling skull spiders? We're all about to find out. Just stay calm, and remember that telling you about the spider situation is not the same as having caused it. I'm just the messenger. Even if I did sort of cause it. Either way, I won't hold it against you if you're upset. I know that's just the spider talking.

Zoey Punches the Future in the Dick

Wed, 02 Dec 2020 22:49:22 +0200

New York Times bestselling author David Wong's Zoey Punches the Future in the Dick is the latest—and greatest—sci-fi thriler in the Zoey Ashe Series.

Zoey Ashe is like a fish so far out of water that it has achieved orbit. She finds herself struggling to establish rule over a sprawling empire while Tabula Ra$a's rogue's gallery of larger-than-life crime bosses and corrupt plutocrats smell weakness. Tensions brew across the city.

A steamer trunk-sized box arrives at Zoey's door, and she and her bodyguard Wu are shocked to find that it contains a disemboweled corpse, and even more shocked when that corpse, controlled by an unknown party, rises...

This Book is Full of Spiders jdate-2

Wed, 14 Nov 2012 15:33:38 +0200

Fan favorite David Wong takes readers to a whole new level with this blistering sequel to the cult sensation John Dies at the End , soon to be a movie starring Paul Giamatti Originally released as an online serial where it received more than 70,000 downloads, John Dies at the End has been described as a “Horrortacular”, an epic of "spectacular" horror that combines the laugh out loud humor of the best R-rated comedy, with the darkest terror of H.P. Lovecraft. The book went on to sell an additional 60,000 copies in all formats. As the sequel opens, we find our heroes, David and John, again embroiled in a series of horrifying yet mind-bogglingly ridiculous events caused primarily by their own gross incompetence. The guys find that books and movies about zombies may have triggered a zombie apocalypse, despite a complete lack of zombies in the world. As they race against the clock to protect humanity from its own paranoia, they must ask themselves, who are the real monsters? Actually, that would be the shape-shifting horrors secretly taking over the world behind the scenes that, in the end, make John and Dave kind of wish it had been zombies after all. Hilarious, terrifying, engaging and wrenching, This Book Is Full of Spiders , the next thrilling installment, takes us for a wild ride with two slackers from the midwest who really have better things to do with their time than prevent the apocalypse. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5swoHS21tBw

John Dies at the End jdate-1

Wed, 15 Nov 2000 07:03:55 +0200

STOP. You should not have touched this flyer with your bare hands. NO, don't put it down. It's too late. They're watching you. My name is David Wong. My best friend is John. Those names are fake. You might want to change yours. You may not want to know about the things you'll read on these pages, about the sauce, about Korrok, about the invasion, and the future. But it's too late. You touched the book. You're in the game. You're under the eye. The only defense is knowledge. You need to read this book, to the end. Even the part with the bratwurst. Why? You just have to trust me. The important thing is this: The drug is called Soy Sauce and it gives users a window into another dimension. John and I never had the chance to say no. You still do. I'm sorry to have involved you in this, I really am. But as you read about these terrible events and the very dark epoch the world is about to enter as a result, it is crucial you keep one thing in mind: None of this was my fault. ________________________________ David Wong has updated the Lovecraft tradition and infused it with humor that rather than lessening the horror, increases it dramatically.

This Book Is Full of Spiders: Seriously, Dude, Don't Touch It

Wed, 14 Nov 2012 13:28:20 +0200

Fan favorite David Wong takes readers to a whole new level with this blistering sequel to the cult sensation John Dies at the End, soon to be a movie starring Paul GiamattiOriginally released as an online serial where it received more than 70,000 downloads, John Dies at the End has been described as a "Horrortacular", an epic of "spectacular" horror that combines the laugh out loud humor of the best R-rated comedy, with the darkest terror of H.P. Lovecraft. The book went on to sell an additional 60,000 copies in all formats.As the sequel opens, we find our heroes, David and John, again embroiled in a series of horrifying yet mind-bogglingly ridiculous events caused primarily by their own gross incompetence. The guys find that books and movies about zombies may have triggered a zombie apocalypse, despite a complete lack of zombies in the world. As they race against the clock to protect humanity from its own paranoia, they must ask themselves, who are the real monsters? Actually, that would be the shape-shifting horrors secretly taking over the world behind the scenes that, in the end, make John and Dave kind of wish it had been zombies after all. Hilarious, terrifying, engaging and wrenching, This Book Is Full of Spiders, the next thrilling installment, takes us for a wild ride with two slackers from the midwest who really have better things to do with their time than prevent the apocalypse.

Review

Praise for This Book is Full of Spiders:
“[A] phantasmagoria of horror, humor--and even insight into the nature of paranoia, perception, and identity.” –Publishers Weekly, starred review
“Violence, soy sauce and zombie survivalists abound in this clever and funny sequel to John Dies at the End (2009). One of the great things about discovering new writers, especially in the narrow range of hybrid-genre comedic novels, is realizing that they’re having just as much fun making this stuff up as you are reading it. Sitting squarely with the likes of S.G. Browne and Christopher Moore, the pseudonymous Wong (Cracked editor Jason Pargin) must be pissing himself laughing at his own writing, even as he’s giving fans an even funnier, tighter and justifiably insane entry in the series.… The humor here is unforced and good-naturedly gory. Anyone who enjoyed the recent films The Cabin in the Woods or Tucker & Dale vs. Evil will find themselves right at home. An upcoming (cult?) film adaptation of John Dies at the End promises to lure new readers. A joyful return to the paroxysms of laughter lurking in the American Midwest.” –Kirkus
Praise for *John Dies at the End
"The rare genre novel that manages to keep its sense of humor strong without ever diminishing the scares; David is a consistently hilarious narrator whose one-liners and running commentary are sincere in a way that makes the horrors he confronts even more unsettling." --The Onion AV Club

"John Dies at the End is like an H.P. Lovecraft tale if Lovecraft were into poop and fart jokes." –Fangoria
“Sure to please the Fangoria set while appealing to a wider audience, the book's smart take on fear manages to tap into readers' existential dread on one page, then have them laughing the next.” –Publishers Weekly
“…strikes enough of a balance between hilarity, horror, and surrealism here to keep anyone glued to the story.” –Booklist
"A loopy buddy-movie of a book with deadpan humor and great turns of phrase...Just plain fun." --Library Journal
*“You can (and will want to) read JOHN DIES AT THE END in one sitting.” –BookReporter.com
“Wong blends horror and suspense with comedy—a tricky combination—and pulls it off effortlessly.” –FashionAddict.com
“It’s interesting, compelling, engaging, arresting and--yes--sometimes even horrifying. And when it’s not being any of those things, it’s funny. Very, very funny.” –January Magazine
“This is one of the most entertaining and addictive novels I’ve ever read.” –Jacob Kier, publisher, Permuted Press

About the Author

DAVID WONG is the pseudonym of Jason Pargin, Senior Editor and columnist for humor megasite Cracked.com.